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Have You Seen Biff Lately?!?

Our yellow journalist-at-large Biff Biffenbock was reported missing after co-workers noticed nobody was drinking the Lone Star in company fridge. The staff of then asked themsevles, "Does anybody really care?" Their answer was a firm, "Hell NO!" At any rate, Biff's Lone Star was left on the doorstep of some random fraternity. (They'll drink just about anything!)

There has been plenty of speculation as to what happened to Biff. Some say Biff had to be put in the witness protection program because he testified in a case over a wanton act of jaywalking! Others say he ran away to join the circus! It has also been said that he left he his cushy job at wildtrash to pursue his life long dream of being a back-up singer in a boy band. But by far the most likely explanation is that he was abducted by aliens in their crude attempt to find the limits of what rectal probing can teach them!!!

Believe it or not (and we don't know how) Biff still manages to drop us a line from time to time! So we still publish his crappy record reviews and his other rantings about: concerts, movies, and books. (Not to mention the other junk he insists on sending us!!!) Supposedly, he's hard at work developing Trash Radio. But we'll believe that when we hear it.

Apparently, he must still think he's still on the payroll or something! Which is really funny since we haven't paid since 1993. But I guess you could also say that we're desparate for content. It's important to note that since Biff is really good at producing pages upon pages of incoherent gibberish -- he makes our ideal filler! We just hope he never finds out that we sold all his earthly belongings (mostly empty Lone Star cans and old Dionne Warwick records) for a quater bag of pot. We had to really haggle to get that quarter bag, dammit.

----the staff of